Ghosting in dating. Why not be kind?

By Margaret, 21 September, 2018.
For those of you, like me, who are not familiar with it, here is a definition.
Ghosting is stopping all communication after:
You have organised a first date by setting the time and place, then you hear nothing again.
You have been on a number of dates.
You have been in an exclusive relationship. Whether it be for weeks, months or years.
You have been referring to each other as girlfriend/boyfriend or similar.
You have ever had a conversation about getting engaged, getting married.
You have talked about moving in together.
You have been planning your next holiday together.

Internet dating has certainly provided a medium to reach and communicate with huge numbers of singles. Sadly, it has also created a culture of not caring or considering other singles.

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Of course there are times when you have been seeing someone and it becomes clear to you that this relationship isn’t working for you. The important thing is to treat the other person with kindness and respect.
If you don’t feel that you can speak to them face to face, at least write them a letter (old school, I know), or send them an email letting them know that you are not continuing the relationship.

It doesn’t need to be long winded or drawn out. It just needs to be kind.
Hi …, It was good to meet you and to get to know you, but I don’t think we are a match after all. I wish you all the best

If you simply disappear, they will be left wondering why you disappeared. They will wonder if you are ill, or even dead. It will also quite likely have a negative affect on their self confidence and opinion of women/men.

Something I don’t understand is why are people so afraid to be kind?
If you want to cool the relationship and take it back a notch, let them know and explain the way you feel.

If you want to end the relationship altogether, be upfront and let them know.
Think about this, If you don’t give them some sort of explanation, they will be consumed with trying to figure out what went wrong. That’s the way we are programmed. Not knowing what happened can drive them crazy and also cause them damage.

How about encouraging yourself and your single friends to always make sure they give a “kind goodbye”.

Remember, that if you have had someone “ghost” you, it isn’t any reflection on you and your worth. It means they didn’t have the courage to be upfront and honest in leaving the relationship.

Showing up honestly, letting others know your needs, being open to learning about their needs, is communicating authentically and honestly. Even if you are “ghosted”, you will have the satisfaction of knowing you are an amazing person to be in a relationship with.

I am sorry if you have been the victim of being “ghosted”.  The reality is that they have “ghosted” themselves. They couldn’t or wouldn’t be a kind grownup and say “Hi …, we’ve had a great time, but I am going in a different direction.”
Now there is an opening for a new beginning.


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Margaret Newitt
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