Why aren't they interested?

By Margaret, 03 September, 2023.

Why aren't they interested?

The secret is to ask the right questions. They will feel special and know you are interested.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re meeting people to make new friends, or date someone amazing…

They can tell if you are genuinely interested in them.

Humans are reciprocal beings. When you give interest, you get interest.

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” – Dale Carnegie

People want to know that you find them (specifically) interesting. They want to know that there’s SOMETHING other than just being  attractive that attracted you.

Why aren't they interested?

Because everyone wants to feel special. When you make them feel that way, they’ll want to do the same for you.

Important steps
Your mindset – Reset your measure of success from obtaining an outcome to simply being curious about people.

Have a curiosity date (or two).

When you are meeting new people, your only goal is to answer this question about them:

“Who are they?”

Stay mindful of your goal. Plan ahead what you would like to know about people you meet. Make sure they are things you actually care about. If it doesn’t really interest you, you won’t be engaged and they will be able to tell you are not being genuinely interested.

You’re trying to get a better understanding of their personality, interests, and overall character.  Have a few questions brainstormed in advance that you could ask.

What are their favorite books, movies, TV shows, comedians, or musicians?
What’s the best place they’ve traveled to? Or, where are they most excited to visit?
Would they rather live in the country or the city?
What do they love or hate about their current job? What’s their dream job instead?
What’s their favorite way to exercise?
What did they want to be when they were a kid?
What scares them?
What’s the biggest change they made in the last year?
Are they close with their family?
What’s something most people don’t know about them?
If they were to die tomorrow, how would they spend their last day?

Some additional tips to help with your curiosity night:

If you can’t remember what to ask, remember the four topics that are always guaranteed to get people to open up.


It’s best to start out with lighter questions and progress to more personal questions as time progresses. They will feel uneasy if the first question you ask is too personal.

Instead of asking “Do you like to read?” Ask an open ended question that will require them to open up about themselves. “What is your favourite type of book?”

You want to learn about their emotions and motivations. So, don’t just ask cold, bare facts. Another example, don’t just ask do they have a family. Ask what is the best thing about their family.

Don’t just ask what they do for a living, ask what drives them to go every morning, what is their biggest challenge, and where they would like to go from there.

When they say something that impresses you, give them a real compliment.

Remember their name. People love to hear their own name and feel special when you remember it.

Your old mindset of “How can I be good enough for this person? has now changed to “Is this someone I want in my life based on what I’m learning about them?” and this cultivates a mindset of abundance.

It forces you to make an honest evaluation of people and takes them off that pedestal. You will no longer feel desperate to fit their mold and you will have the courage to walk away from those who aren’t a good fit for you.

You will grow in confidence. In turn, that confidence attracts not only more people, but the right people.

Now that you have people interested in you. Don’t forget to treat them the same way you treat those closest to you.

Checkout our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
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