Without Trust, Can Love Exist?

By Margaret, 16 August, 2021.
"Trust is choosing to make something important to you, vulnerable to the actions of someone else."

Brene Brown is an American professor, lecturer, author and podcast host. She has spent decades studying the topics of courage, vulnerability, shame and empathy. Here's what she has found to be essential to have a trusting relationship.

She pulled together an acronym B-R-A-V-I-N-G


I trust you, if you are clear about boundaries, and hold them and you are clear about my boundaries and you respect them. There is no trust without boundaries.


I can only trust you if you do what you say you are going to do, and not just once. In research terms reliability means we are always looking for things that are valid and reliable. For example, a reliable scale is a scale that if I got on it a hundred times, it is going to say the same thing a hundred times. So, what reliability is, is you do what you say you are going to do over and over and over again. You cannot gain my trust if you are reliable once, because that's not the definition of reliability. In our working lives reliability means that we have to be very clear on our limitations so we don't take on so much that we come up short and don't deliver on our commitments. In our personal life it means the same thing.




What I share with you will be held in confidence. What you share with me I will hold in confidence. We don't understand what's on the other side of the vault, that's only one door of the vault.


I cannot trust you and be in a trusting relationship with you if you do not act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same. Here's what I (Brene) think integrity is - 3 pieces.
-choosing courage over comfort,
-choosing what's right over what's fun, fast or easy,
-practising your values, not just professing your values.


I can fall apart , ask for help and be in struggle without being judged by you and you can fall apart and be in struggle and ask for help without being judged by me. Which is really hard because we are better at HELPING than we are at asking for help.


Our relationship is only a trusting relationship if you can assume the most generous thing about my words, intentions and behaviours and then check in with me. It's not joy that makes us GRATEFUL, it's gratitude that makes us JOYFUL.



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