Relationship ready?

By Margaret, 14 October, 2013.
In a healthy relationship, both partners feel respected for their differences, enjoy each other's company and feel safe and secure. There's a balance between wanting to make their partner happy but knowing they are not responsible for their feelings. They feel a sense of connection and couple is a good relationship have a sense of "we".

If being in a healthy respectful relationship is important, then there are some checks we can do to ensure we are in the right frame of mind for this new relationship to come in.

Being hurt in past relationships can lead to putting up huge barriers to protect yourself from being hurt again. It makes good sense to be a little cautious and take things slowly. But if you don't open up at all, or be a little vulnerable, you could appear to be defensive and unavailable.

Attraction is important, but having very strict and rigid rules will limit your opportunities and could mean you will miss out on meeting someone who could be perfect for you. Secretly , some people are looking for external validation. They believe that if they are seen with a very attractive person, people will think how great they are.

Look for patterns that repeat themselves in your relationships. If it's an issue that has raised it's head in more than one relationship, it's probably something that needs to be worked on.

Have a look at your own families and the environment you grew up in. We usually take this approach into our own romantic relationships. All families are different. Your family may have had a very healthy approach, or very dysfunctional. In particular, think about what you learned about conflict and problem solving, expressing anger, sharing personal information, expressing affection, and gender roles and behaviour. This could help you deal with issues in your future relationship in a more efficient way, so that you don't take it personally when you are not treated in a way you expected.

One of the best ways to prepare for a fulfilling relationship is to lead a fulfilling life right now. Don't put your life on hold waiting for a relationship so that you can experience the things you enjoy. When you meet an interesting potential partner, they will look at your life and perhaps think they would like to be a part of it because it is full and interesting.


Margaret Newitt

1300 885 311